Richard Wenderlich

MP3 of Goodbye My Friend - Linda Rondstadt (From Sue)

what dick used to say - that asking someone how they were after a major trauma- like a death- was like asking Mrs.. Lincoln how she liked the play!

a couple of years ago for 4th of July we went to our usual beach down a rather long cliff to watch fireworks- a tradition since we has moved to Santa Cruz co. bill had driven Gail down the access rd. so that she could join us on the beach. half way thru the celebration, some idiot set the cliffs on fire with errant fireworks. the guys , of course, loaded up Gail into the car immediately to get her out in case the fire spread quickly. I pleaded with dick to ride up in the van as his walking had become slow and painful and I knew that Jill and I could get up those cliffs if we had to- but, as usual, he wouldn't leave us-unless it was not under his control.

here's a typical dick as I knew him. one of his now partners in the law building had been incessantly on dick about giving up smoking. at this time we had begun to become good friends and dick saw how easy it was to "get" Michael. one day dick called Michael up and told him that both of us had given up smoking. Michael found it hard to believe, but was non the less pleased if it was so and proposed a celebratory dinner at his house that Saturday night. when we got there, wine in hand and no cigarette, Michael was really pleased. we came in and sat in the living room while mike went to the kitchen to open the wine. when mike returned with our full glasses we both has lit pipes going. Michael looked shocked and hurt and said "dick! you told me that you gave up smoking." dick looked at him calmly, took a puff and said " you call this smoking?"

Judy

No one every really expects their father to die. I mean sure everyone realizes that in order for a new life to come into this world another must end but no one can prepare you for the shock, grief , and pain that you go through when it finally hits close to home. In this case the term” close to home” was too close for me. My first memories with my dad were in my house and also my last. And even though I had to go through the pain of watching his soul escape his body and go to heaven I am in a way glad that I got to spend his last moments by his side. If there’s one thing my dad taught me (besides don’t put real soap in a dishwasher) it is that you have to cherish your family. Although, I don’t think that I will ever forget the look on my mom’s face when she walked into the kitchen to find a huge puddle of soapy water sitting there, his words stick in my mind more than his actions. I am only beginning my life but I think that I have realized something that a lot of people may never realize until their 30’s. I took my relationship with my dad for granted. I wish that I could turn back time and change every little fight that we had into something where we could have fun. But I don’t think that he totally disliked arguing, I mean why else would you become a lawyer? Certainly not for your colleague friends! I would give almost anything to have him back today. Just to spend a little time with him. Maybe not doing anything or talking, but just being together. There are so many things that I still wanted to tell him. So many things that I still wanted to do. One good thing has come out of my dad’s death, he has taught me that life really is too short to have regrets. You have to live in the moment as if it was your last. For who really knows , it might be. Things that have happened in the past are just that, in the past. And you cannot change the past. But you can change the way that you want to live in the future. think before you act. Something you say or do might really affect some one you love. And who knows? They or you may just be the one that doesn’t wake up in the morning. And I can guarantee you this… if that happens you will most certainly feel guilty. Your parents or your kids might get on your nerves once in a while actually probably everyday, but never let them forget how much you love them. Tell them every chance you get. Every one may be your last. Before I go I just want to say one more thing…… Even though my dad may not be here physically I know that he can still hear me so, I love you papa and I always will.

Jillian

Eulogy for Dick at St. Michael's Church Boulder Creek, Ca. 11 January 2000
from Bill Wenderlich and family.

We all loved my brother Dick and he loved us. Dick had a kind heart, a noble spirit, and a love for his family, friends, and children that is unparalleled in any man I have met on this earth.

My brother Dick made many people happy by making them laugh. He had a keen sense of humor, great jokes, and even great physical comedy. Once at the law offices he had his secretary get our sister Mary Ellen to get something off a top shelf and Dick popped out and scared her from behind the clothes.

Another time in New York City when my brother Mark was a teen-ager Dick was graduating from Fordham and told Mark there had been a lot of burglaries in > the neighborhood. During the middle of the night Mark noticed the window open and wind howling in. He got up to shut the window and Dick grabbed him from the bottom of the bed scaring the heaven out of him.

Another time my sister Fran was in our hallway just about to be kissed and Dick's voice floated down > the stairway "Unhand my sister you villain."

Dick got all of his wonderful qualities from our parents. Mom and Dad, Fran > and Mary--such superb teachers. Dick succeeded in passing along the strongest Wenderlich Family trait--love. He was not only a brother to me but like a second father. He guided me through the tough early days in California (after Dad's death). He saved my own life with his kindness and support. And he was a great Uncle to my son Francis. I am forever grateful for this.

He helped so many people and family members with problems that seemed insurmountable--but Dick knew what to do. He thought of his family before himself and was truly happy with his wife Judy and daughter Jilly. He loved coming home to them and cherished them. Dick also had many friends who loved him like we do--he left a legacy of love like Jesus said "Love one another."

Dick Wenderlich made the world a better place. His last words to me were I love you take care of one another. All around you is the love and friendship one man can create and he would tell you "Love one another." It was a privilege having Dick as my brother. Thank you Mom and Dad for allowing us to share some time and company with this wonderful human being--my brother Dick. He's in Heaven now. We were so blessed to have him.

Please keep praying for Dick and God Bless You.

Bill Wenderlich and family

Since I am the oldest I have memories of Dick that most others don't have...at least from the same perspective. One of my earliest memories of him is seeing him all dressed up..about three years old. (I was 5).long pants, slicked back hair, shiny smiling face. He was running across the rug in Grandma Wenderlich's front room when he tripped over nothing and went flying. As it turned out, this would not be unusual. I developed some absolutely fabulous barbs such as.. "What's the matter, trip over a piece of string?" Or its really funny substitute..."Was there a wrinkle in the rug?" could also be used...Hey, this was early on and the now famous Wenderlich standards of humor had not yet been established. (Do we have standards?).

I had the first had opportunity to see Dick develop that ability to say anything...and, if he wanted to, sound absolutely charming while doing it...He knew it made Gram laugh.

We had several years with a good deal of conflict between us as he did not want to mind me ( and I didn't particularly want to be in the position of having to try and make him mind..even from the vantage point of my two whole years of greater experience). Those were the days when Dad was away working and Mom was in the hospital frequently...The days when I had to pretend that I was the one who wasn't scared as hell. Even in those years there was always some mischief going on and my recollection is that no matter what sibling appeared to be the culprit...Dick was the "eminence grise" responsible..though at that stage of his life the "gray" part came from to much adventure and too little soap.

He finally realized that girls as family could be useful for information and advice when he started noticing girls who were not family...He daydreamed after a few, dated a few and finally started really talking about this terrific girl Judy Messenger he had met..and after a while she was the only girl he talked about..

Right from the start he was the star in Grandma Wenderlich's sky. Even I had to laugh at the way he would get around her and the way she would egg him on. One time we were both at Grandma's house..and that was unusual with us living so far away..It may have been while we were renting Aunt Jen and Uncle Jim's second floor. Patty Dugan was there too and we were in the kitchen at that white enameled table playing rummy. I remember plates of cantaloupe slices and laughing and noise and Dick suddenly saying "Grandma!. You're cheating, you're dealing from the bottom of the deck.". There was silence for a moment..I know I was stunned into it...Then Gram said, " Shut up and play cards you damn little snot!". Nobody played cards for a long time after that..us kids were rolling on the floor and Gram was shaking with laughter in her chair. I never did find out whether or not she had actually been doing that..though my sense of it is that she had been and Dick showed us how she did it..and , since I never had known that dealing from the bottom was a bad thing..I learned something new.

I'll bet that not many knew that Dick was fascinated with fire as a kid of about 8. My kids could indulge that fascination by burning the papers in the burning barrel. Dick indulged it in the wilds of an Amherst apartment complex by playing with matches, neatly of course, and setting a fire in the kitchen wastebasket. He thought it was pretty and liked the moving shapes. He was yelling and running around the kitchen when I got there and saw flames leaping up toward the ceiling. We threw water on it from anything that would hold water and I don't remember what we told mom.

I remember Dick always being tender hearted except when he and I were fighting. He was always checking on Grandma and wanting to go visit her.

Even as a kid he was not handy in any physical way but we would play scrabble or monopoly and you would know how smart he was..In our week long monopoly games, especially the summer I broke my leg, the competition was fierce and we had good players from all over the neighborhood on our front porch..dawn to after dark. You always knew which properties were Dick's cause he would have houses and hotels all over the place...even the cheap ones like St. Charles place..

I have not thought of this in many years but he was an altar boy for years, and only had a slight tendency to fool around with the other altar boys while on duty. Those of us privileged to see his standup routine about the baseball pitcher turned priest, delivering holy communion..still remember it. I always thought he should have kept up with the comedy routines as he was gifted, even as a kid

Sometimes he was funny unintentionally like the time Dad asked him to fill in a hole in the driveway when we lived on Wood Street. The house had a pretty big backyard where the owners used to have a garden. There was a small old wooden garage in front of that. The garage was closer than the garden area and it had a dirt floor too...so...Dad was annoyed but even he had to laugh. Dick was not amused. Just like the time he and his friends got caught out behind the garage smoking corn silk cigarettes..which they swore were pretty good.

I remember doing the dishes...Dick, Sue and me.. and trying to write songs together while we drudged...we were not good except that Sue could carry a tune.

The first boyfriend I ever had had to run the gantlet of my younger siblings. I can remember standing in the front hall wondering what it would be like to be kissed by someone who was not my family member..and just as I was about to find about..there was Dick's voice floating down the stairwell..."Unhand my sister, you villain"....Dick and Sue and Bill thought it was pretty funny, Mark wasn't really talking yet so I don't know what he thought.

Other significant memories...Dick and Sue coming all the way to Richmondville on the bus to be godparents for Ev...and Sue with the flu the whole time.

Dick sent me roses on my thirtieth birthday..and I still have the dried petals along with a rose from Dad's funeral blanket. I remember a visit from him and Mom when I worked at the radio station and him telling jokes that had Mom saying DICK!..and laughing.

I remember him reminding me that I was always welcome and encouraging me to start over again. I remember him finding me the lawyer who helped me start over...

I remember how well Dick always treated Mom and how much he loved Dad, though it was difficult for him to tell him so..

I remember that there are so many things I don't know about Dick's life, but some I can guess from seeing some of the many people who love him.

I remember how thrilled he was when he married Judy and how very happy they both were when they had Jilly. I remember how proud he was of Judy and of Jill.

I remember how, over the adult years, how concerned and caring he was about me, how he loaned me money to hire my lawyer and checked in with me on progress.

I remember how I saw him too little and miss him too much.

I remember how little I could do to comfort him in December..but I also remember that he appreciated the attempts. I think I must have learned massage therapy mainly to help those I love and I feel a little good that I could use it to relieve some of his pain for a little while.

I remember him telling jokes from his hospital bed and playing the beautiful "Time to Say Goodbye" from the Bocelli cd - which I bought as soon as I got home...

I remember him squaring his shoulders to try and make it a little longer.

I remember him being afraid but brave at the same time...and telling me that he has "...always believed in that Christianity stuff."

I remember him coming from the doctor's to hug us goodbye at the motel...both he and Judy smiling no matter what..

I remember hoping that he and Tony could meet, hoping he could enjoy the knife that he was looking forward to Tony making for him.

I remember hoping to see him again.

I remember the feel of his arms around me and his voice saying "I love you".

I will never forget the last look we exchanged.

I so much like Suzanne's idea of Dick now being in the center of the circle where we can all see him.

I know that if there is anything to that "Christianity Stuff" ..Dick and Dad and Grandma Wenderlich have been catching up and telling each other terrible jokes and groaners for days.

I hope its true.

I hope.

I love you all....and don't let me forget it ! ...Fran, Francie or Mom as the case may be..

"Good Night Sweet Prince. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

I'll never hear or read those words again without thinking of Dick.

Dan, to borrow from your thoughts about Dick, I will always miss him and keep him in my heart....where, even if he may not have known it, ...he has always been.

And now to use the knowledge so bitterly won and for which we have paid so dearly....Please, all of you, know that I love you and value more than I can say. I have never been easily able to find the right ways to let you know but nevertheless I do. Please remember when I can find neither the words nor the deeds..

Frances

The time is always too short, the money is never enough, the problems seem overwhelming, the only thing that we have truly been blessed with is love, sometimes spoken, sometimes not...always and forever there.

The reason this pain is so earth shattering is that the love has been and always will be so strong. We have always known deep love. Our parents showed us what love meant. As children we couldn't have been loved more, it wasn't possible. That love was passed on to us children, that is a legacy that can be compared to no other. As all of us grew, we became more aware of the love in good times and bad.

We children became a circle and as each one of us found our mates, the circle widened. The circle has now been broken but because of our great love for each other we must now, as Dick would want, tighten the circle. Dick now stands in the middle for us all to see.

I guess now is the time to share this love with our friends and show them some sympathy for their loss. We undoubtedly have more love between us than we could ever need so we shall share for Dick and for us all.

Dick, my big brother, I know some day my tears will dry even though it doesn't seem possible now. You have helped me so many times in my life that I know you will help me now. I will always love you.

I remember when we were younger and Dick and I used to fight that Mom would say Dick don't fight with her cause someday you might want to marry one of her friends........AND HE DID! I also remember catching the bouquet at Dick and Judy's wedding and Dad telling me to give it back!

Dick taught by example . He taught me that the best way to warm up a foam pillow was definitely not by putting it on a large space heater turned on to high.

I remember one large party at Dick and Judy's where Denny Finnegan caught a chair on fire and Butch and I had to drive Les (of Butch's sister Linda and Les Fame) home.

I remember Dick calling my husband Uncle Book.

I remember Dick saying his favorite children's story was Handsome and Gretel as that is what Brian had asked him to read to him.

I remember the phone call I got at work where Dick said We're Pregnant!

I remember the pride he and Judy felt when they held their newborn godchild, Bethany. As an aside Bethany has two godmothers, the other one being Auntie Fran.

Another example of Dick teaching by showing is that when on a golf course and the sign says footbridge they mean it. As he was trying to hold the golf cart off of my father in law Oak, who had been dumped into the stream and was pushing the golf cart off himself I believe Dick was thinking, damn, they really mean it!

I remember one of my frequent trips to NYC when Dick took me out and bought me a black crepe outfit, black stockings and black shoes, then took me to the village and bought me jewelry. Butch should probably blame Dick as I still adore jewelry. Dick as I left told me that even though I was his sister I was damn sexy!

I remember trying to wake Dick in the morning and he said he had to get up...now those of you who have been there know exactly what I am talking about....I had to stand at his door and throw something and then run otherwise he would beat the s--- out of me before he was fully awake and apologize later which I felt for some reason was a rotten trade off.

I also remember fishing with Dick and Jillian at our marina

Suzanne

I was pretty young when Dick was still at home, but remember playing football with Dick & Bill on the good front room floor. Roughhousing guy things. I remember going to NYC for Dick's graduation from Fordam, Iggy the iguana, the water shortage and the scary south Bronx. We had to take "Navy showers" and Dick told me about all the burglaries there had been recently. That's why I was so scared when I woke up in the middle of the night to find the curtains blowing and the window open. It was a set up sure enough, as so as I moved to close the window, Dick who had been hiding at the foot of the bed grabbed my leg and scared the bejesus out of me. He told me of fellow students who were shaken by the priest who went around wearing a cape and saying "How the fuck are you to freshman" Dick called him Dago Red and thought he was pretty cool (60's y'know) and the girl he dated ONCE in NYC. He left the room for a minute and when he came back her hair was on fire. When he asked her about he said she said "I just wanted to see if it would burn!" (60's y'know).

I remember enjoying building a trailer out of an old model T axle so Dick & Judy could tow it out to California, after Syracuse Law. I remember the quick thinking Dick had acting fast to unplug the electric drill who's cord had wrapped around Bobby Wenderlich's wrist and was cutting off his circulation in the first phase of the project. I remember fighting off the June bugs to put the last of the tar on the roof of it and Judy snapping a picture which is still on o plastic Christmas bucket in Auburn.

I remember the first apartment that Dick & Judy had in Auburn as I got to make money feeding "Mouse" the cat listening to Bob Dylan 45's and once playing the antique music box. Later Dicks infrequent trips back east were highlighted by two great fishing trips. Butch, Brian, Dick & I chartered a boat. The first trip every caught fish, trout & salmon, but I got a 12 pound laker. The next trip I again had the largest fish 24 lbs this time. I kept saying when are you coming back so I can catch my 48 lb trout?

Mostly Dick & I talked (too infrequently) on the phone. He ALWAYS had at least one joke. We talked the most, I think when I was in college. He'd call up and tell me how much he appreciated my looking after Mom. I told him it was the other way around. I recall particularly one phone call he made after I had been in my first college apartment after a year. I realized that it was true and I felt proud as he told me how much I'd grown up in a year. Not without coincidence it was the same year he stopped asking me "Have you gotten laid Yet?" When I did get out to CA I always had places to stay but felt very very comfortable at Dick & Judy's. (I don't remember anything about recreational drugs (60's & 70's y'know) though, he did warn me away from the hard stuff.. I already knew of course but he gave advice when he felt it needed, sometimes whether you wanted it or not) When Deb first met him he had a smartass comment and I was proud that she shot him right back. Deb said she liked him and Dick said she's all right (He didn't pass those women who couldn't provide a comeback). It was Sue however, who gave us permission to marry...geeze... marry!! (we of course broke up after two got home from the cross country trip)!

It was, of course Dick who taught me to play poker, simple rules, 1) Never play unless it's money you can afford to lose and 2) If you don't have the cards get out, if you have the cards make them pay !! He and Uncle Ray proceeded to clean my wallet (lucky I only had $10 or so). Dick was always there for free advice (he checked all my first theatre contracts) where to rent from in Cabo and who to look up, etc., for a good Mexican vacation. It took a while before I was old enough to express my own opinion in the face of his superior arguing tactics, it was quite a compliment when he finally said at the end of on such argument "So I can't guilt you into it, huh" This at a time when I didn't know it HAD been a tactic.. he had acknowledge that I was finally holding my own. And he had given his admiration..cool! He never stopped trying to get me to move to CA and I must admit the family draw is strong and the land beautiful but the same is said for here. When I was in grad school I told him that Iowa had a pretty damn good basketball team that year I had no idea Dick would take it as inside advise. He thanked me later when Iowa made the final four... said he made a few bucks on it.

I remember he talked infrequently about the hard times he was having and frequently of his love for Judy and the special place that Jilly had in his heart. I miss you my brother and I love you.

Mark

I cried last night for a man that I knew as my mom's brother, my uncle, and a friend. He taught me to be truthful and kind and to use my sense of humor. I always looked up to you Dick and though I never saw you enough, I always felt close. I am glad that I was old enough to appreciate the man you became, and the strength you gave to others. In my heart I can't say goodbye as you will really never leave my heart. You will be with me just as Gramp is always with me. These memories are strong and comforting. Thank you for helping this family my mom in particular during hard times. You touched so many lives in ways you may never have realized. I love you and miss you.

Dan

How sweet of you to worry about me, Sue. I'm just fine. Got my crying out the other day, and have spent more than a little time in reminiscences.

Several observations: I have never laughed so hard as when I was in the company of either your Dad, my Mom, or Dick.

I have never felt more unconditional love nor nonjudgmental acceptance as when in the company of your Dad, my Mom, or Dick.

I have never been thrashed at cards so badly as when in the company of your Dad, my Mom, or Dick.

As I was saying to your brother Bill a few minutes ago (thanks to the internet), I said prayers for the family this morning, and a couple for Dick, too. But he could charm the underpants off a nun, so I'm sure he'll be fine. In addition, he will be met by Grammy, and your Dad, and my Mom, so he will be well taken care of.

We were separated by distance, and didn't communicate often, but when we got together, either by phone or in person, it was as though no time had passed. Sometimes we'd pick up right at the punch line of the last joke we'd shared.

Also, Dick and I shared a strange bond. I had a deep respect for him that I never voiced (it only would have made him feel uncomfortable). And he had a respect for me that he voiced, more than once, knowing that I really needed to hear it. The times we spent together were often filled with laughter, but the silences between the laughs were filled, too. Sometimes we would spend a few quiet moments, and I could feel the fierce currents beneath his surface exterior, and he could sense my feelings, as well. In those pregnant moments, we'd share a look at each other, and sometime later would make a comment or two (usually a parental one) about taking better care.

Some strange memories popped into my head, today. Things I hadn't thought of in a long time. I remember waving to Dick and Judy as they drove off to California, pulling that 'U-haul' type trailer that Cousin Bob and Dick and I built. (as I recall, the thing had such ancient tires that it didn't complete the trip. Probably didn't get out of New York State.)

I remember playing poker with Dick and Uncle Ray at some family get-together. No doubt it was a wedding or a funeral. Always weddings and funerals. Sigh.

But it's quite late, and I'm rambling.

I have regrets. I regret I didn't take more time to create more memories.

I resolve to change that. So expect me to bug you by staying closely in touch.

Love,